Abuela te amo
"Scratchboard" by Aitana Gaudenzi
Abuela te amo by Sofia Chalbaud
“Mom, I'm home!” She shouted as she threw her bag down.
Sonia ran up the stairs. She peeked into her mother’s bedroom empty. Her father was out of the country back home in Venezuela working.
“Mom, are you here?”
She sighed and went straight to her bedroom where she started working on homework. She couldn’t focus and her mind felt like it was about to fall off a cliff into the waters of those thoughts of stress that her mind was drowning in before she came home.
“Sonia I’m here my love.”
Her mother’s voice pulled her back from the edge. She ran down the stairs and gave her a warm hug wrapping her arms around and inhaling her perfume. They both walked up the stairs together and chatted about their days. Two hours later, she heard her mom call her by her full name. Sonia was one of those kids who knew when her mom called her full name it was never good news. She felt her body shiver and she closed her eyes taking a deep breath preparing to hear what trouble she was in. She walked down the hall and her mother was waiting for her there at the base of the stairs. Her eyes were as empty as dinner plates.
“Your grandmother is not well, you already know that she has a tumor that is cancerous, the doctor said that they cannot do surgery on her because she is in poor condition. The tumor is very large which means that she will get worse after months and will die but we don't know when.”
Sonia’s heart dropped into her stomach. She didn't know whether she was about to throw up, cry, or both. Tearing up, she ran downstairs to get some air. Her chest felt like a spider was wrapping her in a cocoon of death. The thoughts began to race through her mind.
How will I handle this? I have school, can I even say goodbye to her, I want more time with her, she won’t be able to see me grow. Sonia’s heart filled with pain, needles stabbing into her heart, and she wailed as she wept. It began to drizzle and she thought Great, I made nature sad. She went inside and sat with a blanket in her father’s office and was silent. Her mind was blank, her hands shaking. The fear of losing the one person that has always understood her for her flaws that has been there to teach her everything was overwhelming. Sonia’s mother came by and sat down next to her to comfort her.
“My love, I understand the pain of losing your Abuela, I know you talk about how you could not bear her death but the world does this to all of us. When my father died it hurt me a lot I loved him a lot, you have to remind yourself of the good times with your grandmother she is the person who loves the most and you should never forget all the love that she gave to you and our family, I know that she is like a second mother to you."
Sonia sniffled against her mother’s warm arms as her mom rubbed her back and she responded, “I'm going to miss her and I haven't seen her in two years since this pandemic started. I want to have the opportunity to see her, to take care of her, to be able to laugh with her and be happy. I don't even know if I'll be able to go to the funeral because I have school at the moment and right now knowing this stresses me out a lot.”
Her mother squeezed her tightly and she just held her like that for a minute. Sonia could hear the sniffles and recognized her mother was crying. She knew her mother loved Abuela deeply for taking care of Sonia when she was little.
"Do not worry about going to the funeral and let's wait and see about visiting her right now. You know how difficult it is to travel to Venezuela. The borders are closed and it is very dangerous" her mom said.
She closed her eyes and plunged her mind into the good times with Abeula but her entire mind was drawing in sadness.
Sonia hugged her mother back gently and pulled away from her and spoke up, "Mom I'm going to go to my room. I'm very tired and I need space.”
Sonia quickly headed up the stairs into her room and shut the door behind her. She went to her drawer, kneeled down, and pulled it open, gently lifting out her baby picture book. The corners of her mouth wrinkled as tears fell down her cheek, and she flipped through the pages of her memories with her abuela. She finally cried herself to sleep.
Eventually, Sonia woke up and felt awful. Her eyes were still puffy so it was hard to even see what time was on her phone. Finally, she made it out. 5 pm. She decided to head downstairs and make herself food. She decided that tater-tots were the culinary band-aid to her sadness.
Sonia was deep in thought. Sonia experienced the deep grief of sadness, the drowning in a large ocean of her tears while being dragged along by the current. She remembered the way she gasped for air each time she cried over the people she lost. She could get past those losses, but there was one person she could not lose. Her Abuela, the beautiful heart and soul that she is, is the kindhearted woman that took care of four children at such a young age. She was a strong beautiful woman with a heart filled with love and care for the people around her. Her smile brightens everyone’s day- even Sonia’s father’s permanent seriousness wasn’t immune to her joy. Abuela could make him and everyone else laughs every time she was present. When Sonia saw her smile she couldn’t help but do the same. She loved everything about her. Her short, dark black hair was always soft as silk. Her brown bright eyes always beam at her loved ones, her subtle makeup with black eyeliner with gossamer eyeshadow and a dash of pink and rosy blush on her cheeks. She was the sheer image of being put together while never putting someone else down. Most importantly, she is a proud Venezuelan, even with the situation the country is in.
She ran back upstairs after she ate and sat down in bed and sighed, letting out all the pent-up emotion. She started to look over videos and photos of her and her abuela. Sonia always enjoyed her smile. She smiled at the hilarious pictures of herself and her abuela. Sonia had a huge habit of always making funny faces. The next picture was of her and her abuela at the kitchen table with a huge plate of meringue. She remembered the first time she tried meringue, an amazing dessert that would probably be able to cheer her up at that moment. She remembered the echoes of Abuela’s laugh filling the spacious kitchen while Spanish Venezuelan music would play in the background as she danced and cooked.
Sonia flipped over more pages of pictures from her phone holding it tightly and she saw the picture of herself and Abuela on the old couch and an old TV. They would watch all of our favorite reality tv shows like “Dance Moms”, “Botched”, “The property brothers” etc.
Sonia and Abuela would judge the people at the shows. It would make her laugh how her grandma said every time, "Never be like these people are crazy, always be yourself, Sonia."
She would hear her words and at that time her seven-year-old self was very oblivious to her comment but eventually, the advice took hold and Sonia always pushed her to be the best version of herself.
Death can be something that can put a person in a really bad place. Sonia realized that if she kept reminding herself of her abuela’s memory she would remember all the good times and what she was taught. Knowing her abuela would be watching over her when she dies. She held onto the hope that she could visit and give her goodbye in a way to close a chapter. She
remembered something her grandmother said while they were sitting at her abuela’s house looking at the rolling green hills and feeling the wind blow-by.
“You can’t escape death, it is inevitable, everyone eventually dies no matter how many self-delusions no matter how many false hopes you make you cannot avoid death we will all have to face it one day but in the end, I will be watching you when I die so don’t feel sad I’ll be by your side always”.
Sonia herself was very young that day but she can remember those words and how much they mean to her. She always kept that memory in her heart. She knew her abuela would be watching over her.
She thought to herself
Abuela, te amo
Grandma, I love you
