Why I’m Not Where You Are
“untitled” By: Clara Coukell
Why I’m Not Where You Are by Lydia Wosen
I'm not where you are because time keeps moving
Because the clock keeps ticking and years keeping going
Because I’m older and haven’t even gotten to the worst of it
Haven’t even gotten to taxes yet
Or an underwhelming salary
Or bills
Or heartbreak
Or marriage
Or sexism
Or parents’ death
Or insurance
Or mortgage
Or college
Or even my dog’s death yet
But I have gotten further from you
Further from innocence
Further from the memory of when me and my sister were ecstatic as we waited in the drive through of Wendys on a sunny day to order our chicken nuggets and french fries. It was always Wendys. We didn’t want McDonalds because of the rumors spread at elementary school a couple weeks ago. But their fries were good. Salty, which my dad didn’t like. I’m drifting asea
No, I’m being sucked into Zambezi’s vicious rapids (which is the world’s deadliest river because of it’s unexploded mines, hidden trenches and deadly animals, which I knew about, after I searched it up)
I would die
But how would I die
I would try to befriend a bear because I have a dog, obviously
And it would work, but then I would slip, fall, and get dragged down the river until I fall from one its two waterfall
I wouldn’t survive that
I wouldn’t won’t survive giving one third of my already low salary to a government who doesn’t care about me because I have an abundance of melanin
Because I have the ability to make life
Because I’ll probably live longer
Because I don’t have a constant influx of testosterone
Because I don’t think the solution to foreign affairs is war
Because when I fill out health papers I check F instead of M, and African American instead of Caucasion
Because I try to avoid the sun during summer instead of getting half naked under it Because I was born with all these factors about me that I couldn’t control and wouldn’t change anyways
It would be weird if we could pick how we look before we’re born but then what would be the point of life if our purpose was already decided
Purpose. A funny word. So useful to know but so hard to find.
What if I don’t find mine
What if I end up becoming a useless life that doesn’t help anyone
What if I don’t discover my “Personal Legend,” as Paulo Coelho would say What if I do discover my personal legend but fail at pursuing it
What if when society tells me to jump, I say how high?
I’m further from you
You are what I’ll find when I look up the definition of financial ignorance, blissfulness, carefreeness, impermanent, fleeting…………… far
I’m further from the freedom of these questions
The questions of if my life had has will have any value
The questions of if I’m will be worth it, to know if the money and time spent on me was and will be put to good use
The questions of,
Will I make them proud
Will I make me proud
Will I make Him proud
Closer to the uncharted answers to these questions
Closer to the painful need to know the answers to these questions
Closer to the chains these questions will suffocate me with
I think we’re all drowning
We’re all being dragged down
By who?
By what?
Why?
I don’t know
But some miraculously float to the top
Others use the people around them as stepping stones, one goes up while Newton’s third law pushes the other down
While the rest of us are made of stone
Sinking, and sinking
Sorry Dory we can’t keep swimming if we’ve been turned to stone
Who will turn us back?
Reverse the curse?
Break the spell?
I may be lost in the metaphor, but aren’t we all?
Lost in something
What are you lost in?
Maybe school or relationships or work or just life in general
Unfortunately there is no map to where X marks the spot
There is no answer key or retakes because this isn’t school
This will be is life
I’m not where you are because time keeps moving
Because the clock keeps ticking and years keeping going
Childhood, I’m not where you are, rather I’m further from you and closer to the rest.
