Lilith

paCk-A-pUNch | Lawrence Strothers | Collage

Lilith by Sofia Gomide

“Thank you for agreeing to talk, Ms. Smith. I won’t take long.”

Are you handing me over to the cops?

“Do I look like a cop?”

Not really.

“I am a doctor. Now, can you tell me how it all began?”

What do you mean?

“Your early life.”

Well, I never had many friends. I had Lilith. Lilith used to visit me sometimes, then more and more. I was scared my parents would be mad, you know. Lilith can be a bit intimidating, for those who don’t know her, but my parents didn’t mind her being there. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Smith, you mean.”

Surely. They were my parents, weren't they? 

“Were they present throughout your childhood, Ms. Smith?”

Why would you think they were not, Doc? 

“Call me Doctor. Do you remember the events of October 8th, 1988?”

Do I? Of course I do. I should’ve been thirteen years old in that year, 1988. Was it the earthquake, doc? Doctor, I mean.

“No. The fire.”

Of course, the fire. How many times do I have to say it wasn’t me, Doctor? No one wanted me because they thought I caused it.

“I never accused you, Ms, Smith.”

Yes you did. I can see it in your eyes, the way you're looking at me now. I’m no criminal, Doctor. And how do you know about that anyway?

“Doctors have their sources. Why don’t you tell me what you remember from that day?”

Fine. Lilith was with me, she remembers that day too. There was lightning, and our lamps exploded. Lilith kept me alive until the firefighters arrived.

“Did Lilith know the lamps were malfunctioning?” 

I don’t think she did. Lilith looks out for me, Doctor, like that one time I almost got lost in the woods near the orphanage. If she hadn’t led me out of there, I think I would’ve died of hunger.

“You became particularly friendly with Tobias Russwolf in the orphanage, am I right? Tell me what you know about him.”

You mean Toby? Toby was very sensitive and very sweet. Not when he got angry, though. I’ve seen him hit a boy so harshly Toby’s knuckles turned red. Lillith didn’t like him at all. She said I’d be better off away from him. She said Toby walked in bad company, although I only ever saw him alone.

“Do you know why Lilith disliked him?”

I think I spent more time with Toby than with her sometimes. She insisted his company was evil, and so was he. Lilith was mostly around, though. She’s always with me. And she didn’t like Toby.

“Are you aware Tobias Russwolf was found dead shortly after you were adopted? He was my patient.”

Was he your patient? What a surprise. And yes, I know he died. Poor Toby. Lilith got angry when I sent Toby letters. She said Toby was dangerous, although he was never dangerous. She told me to stay away from him, and when he died, she said the victim could’ve been me, were she not around to protect me. I never understood, Doctor.

“Very well. Tell me more about your life after you were adopted.”

I was adopted by Jane and Ricky. Poor farmers. Jane and Ricky were good, or at least our town thought so. They’d give me nice food if I obeyed. All I had to do was clean the fireplace, do the laundry, cook, mop the house, and sometimes fix the broken sink. It would break so often. And only I could fix it. 

“Did they know about Lilith?”

No one ever knows about Lilith. And it is best they don’t. The only person I’ve told before lies now in a coffin.

“Toby, I dare say?”

How did you- yes, Toby.

“Should I be afraid, Ms. Smith?”

You should be scared of what killed Toby. What Lilith warned me about.

“Very funny, Ms. Smith. Back to our questions now, shall we? Jane and Ricky were involved in criminal activities, were they not?”

I don’t know, Doctor. Lilith didn’t like them either.

“What about you, Ms. Smith?”

I never did anything against the law, Doc.

“I don’t believe murdering your adoptive parents is legal, Ms. Smith.”

You almost make me feel bad about it when you say it like that, Doctor.

“Do you feel no remorse?”

They hit me, Doctor. Lilith suggested I fight back, before I was killed myself, like she was. She told me to take the knife hidden in the drawer. She said that was what she would’ve used to defend herself from her uncle, if she had the chance. I took it. I killed them both, Doctor. And Lilith said I shouldn’t feel bad about it, so I don’t. Am I to blame?

“Ms. Smith, you should’ve let the law bring you justice, instead of taking matters into your own hands. Abuse is just as illegal as murder.”

No one would have listened. They didn’t listen to Lilith, when she said her uncle wanted her dead.

“Did your friend murder her uncle?”

No, Doctor. He murdered her first.

“Is Lilith dead, Ms. Smith?”

She died years ago.

“Are you the only one who can see her, Ms. Smith?”

  That’s why she came to me. She needed me to help her. I didn’t know it at the beginning, but I see it now. She needed help to move on.

“Do you have any proof Lilith is truly dead and not - a vision?”

Her gravestone still stands. Eastway Cemetery.

“The same graveyard you broke into and vandalized, according to police reports?”

Police reports? You said you weren’t a cop.

“As I said, I have my sources. Go on.”

I only did it because Lilith said it was OK, and because I really needed a place to hide after what I’d done. She told me she needed a favor, that a relative of hers was buried there.

“Who was the relative?”

Lilith’s uncle.

“The same uncle you claim had her killed?”

Yes. It was his grave. She asked me to go there before I ran, so I went. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, after she saved my life not once, but twice. Gratitude goes a long way.

“Did you destroy the gravestone because Lilith told you to?”

If you knew what her uncle did, you would have destroyed his memory too, Doctor.

“You told me he murdered her. Did your friend tell you how it happened?”

 It was tragic, Doctor. Her uncle poisoned her. She didn’t want to obey him, and wouldn't stay silent about what she knew. I remember that even after death she felt ill due to the intoxication. Her family never found out about it, she said. Lilith has been seeking justice since the day we met. Before that, even.

“Why do you think she came to you, Ms. Smith, instead of going to Heaven, as they say?”

There is no Heaven, Doctor. No mortal has been deemed worthy of entering that realm. The lucky ones get to stay here, roaming around Earth. Searching for  their own revenge, like Lilith did. I haven't seen her again since that day, after I destroyed that damn gravestone. She finally found peace. I ran away right after I saw her fade and disappear, and ended up here, in these woods.

“And what about you, Ms. Smith? Are you at peace with your sins?”

You still think I’m insane.

“I think you need help, Ms. Smith. I’m here to offer just that”

No offense, but I thought doctors worked in hospitals. 

“I did, years ago. I used to study the effects of drugs on people.”

That sounds very illegal to me.

“It was, I confess. No one was supposed to find out. But she did.”

Who did? Who found out?

“My niece. And destroying my gravestone was very rude of you, Ms. Smith.”